Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
