some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
