There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
