bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
