Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
