I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
