Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
