Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
