just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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