Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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