filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
