i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
