I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
