Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
