he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
