I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i used baking grease as lip gloss
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
