i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize