Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
