Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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