i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
