can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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