You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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