you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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