I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
