its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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