just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
