How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
