How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The uberlube is also flammable
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
