Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
