This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
