we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Randomize
