Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
