Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
