My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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