Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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