Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
