DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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