She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
