Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
