She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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