I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
