i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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