Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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