If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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