I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
