What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
