I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So many bounce houses so little time
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
