Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
