dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
