ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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