OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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