East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
