This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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