he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
