Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Mom said you looked used
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
