i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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