It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
