Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
