what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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