the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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