My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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