OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
