i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize