So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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