i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
