Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
