Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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