I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
