we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk is not a location!
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