I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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