Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
